Almost Lover
by Nicole Lo
Summary: I'm trying not to think about you. Can't you just let me be? So long my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. Should've known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do'--A Fine Frenzy. Dasey
1. Fingertips Across My Skin

**Almost Lover**

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(A/N: My first Life With Derek fic. It's incomplete because it's going to be a song fic. Tell me what you think so far. --NL)

Kasey MacDonald was hopeless, obsessed, and everything else that could be associated with a girl who had no idea what she had signed up for. To some people what she was doing would be considered sick and in serious need of psychiatric help and Kasey found herself in agreement, yet she couldn't stop. You can't control how you feel and sometimes your feelings are so powerful that they overwhelm every other part of your existence until you fall to the ground in pathetic weakness, begging to give in even though there's always that small voice that tells you to play it safe.

Well Kasey Klutzilla MacDonald, Queen of Scheduling and Plans had finally done something spontaneous and rash so ... unlike her Capricorn-like nature. She had fallen for someone she least expected, and hard. She tried to turn her mind away from it with schoolwork, and that worked for her in high school, but somehow reading 100 pages for her honors Biology college class seemed pointless and boring, even for a doctor-in-the-making like herself.

What did interest her at the moment was a certain slacker who somehow managed not only to get into college, but the same one she attended. Wasn't that ironic? Kasey fled halfway across the country to gain control of these ... delusions once and for all and they followed her, not only swimming around in her mind and becoming more vivid than ever, but also by being tangible, touchable, real _memories_. And they made her smile with a strange delight.

Kasey shuddered, disgusted that she thought this was amusing. It wasn't. She was sitting in her room having a huge tug of war with her emotions, trying to decide which side would become the coup de ... whatever it was called. God, now her brain didn't seem to be working correctly.

"This simply will not do." She stood up from her desk, shutting her Biology book, packing it into her bag and heading to her salvation, her sanctuary, a place that didn't hold memories of the fibers of his body connecting and creating new entities, a new way of existing, with hers. "Pen, pencils, notebook, laptop just in case ... extra pen..." Kasey ran off the list out loud as she added stuff to her shoulder bag, glad to have something that seemed normal to her--routine. This she could handle.

When she had made it safely out of the door, with no sign of the familiar knock or ring from that special someone, Kasey's anxiety level went down about a hundred times. This was doable. Thanksgiving break wasn't until November. It was still October and if she could do what she was doing now and stay clear of him then by the time the family reunited, Kasey could pretend like nothing happened because she would know that nothing was going to happen ... wait. That didn't make any sense.

Nothing did, but suddenly Kasey had reached her destination. She took a seat in the back past the easy-liquored up sorority girls and the solemn international students who studied almost as much as she did. Kasey grinned to herself. No way she was going to let anyone out-study her.

As she opened the Biology book again, she found that it was not only easy to read, but interesting too. Medicine was completely her calling. Just as she rounded up the first thirty pages, a loud thud on the table broke her concentration. "I'm reading here." She muttered without managing to sound angry or bitter in the least. It was part of the MacDonald cheerfulness she had inherited ... well not from her mom, but ... somewhere.

"And I'm studying here." A cool, self-assured, way too familiar voice echoed back. Kasey held her breath. She knew his voice as well as her own and all its different angles. Please no. In hopes that her ears had deceived her, Kasey looked up without hesitation.

"De-rek! God, what are you _doing _here?" She asked, standing up in the defense, knocking her knee into the table and causing an avalanche that not only made her book come crashing to the ground, but her laptop as well.

In slow motion the machine seemed to fall and in lighting speed Derek seemed to be there.

"Still a Klutzilla." He smirked, placing the computer back onto the table and away from Kasey.

"No Derek, you are not going to start that up again. Do you know what I had to go through in high school?"

"How's your knee?" He kneeled down next to Kasey's leg touching her with a tenderness that one would never guess could come out of such a goof-off jackass.

"It's fine." Kasey turned her attention away from him.

"Look, we can play this game or ... talk."

"That last time we talked Derek you made me do things that I shouldn't have. We're _related_. What we've done is all wrong."

"Does it feel that way to you too?" He reached for her hand carefully and longingly. The look on her face was heartbreaking. Kasey did this back and forth shit all the time. Derek just hoped that this time would be like the last. Because if she really said it was over, he wouldn't be able to handle it, not now not ... ever.

"Too?" Kasey glared to Derek, stunned which was the reaction he needed.

"Meet me here." He tossed out a torn piece of paper, obviously from the library, with an aisle number on it. By the time Kasey deciphered what the characters meant, Derek was gone. She sighed to herself. She had no choice so she went.

"Before you do anything Derek, I'm begging you ... not here. This is the one place where I don't have any memories of us."

"I'll take you to a special spot that you've probably never even heard of." He offered, unlocking a door in the back. Inside it was dimly lit with a guitar in the middle. "I know how you like ... you know." He whispered shyly, Kasey barely recognizing this Derek. If everyone else could just see ...

"Wait. I know this song." Kasey nearly shouted in pure amazement. "Derek, this is _my _song." She said protectively as he continued to play the chords.

"_Our _song." He corrected her. "We wrote it together, but you know I don't sing..." He suggested as Kasey picked up the first verse eagerly.

Before Derek could move onto the 8th bar of the song, Kasey was sitting beside him, and then touching him, and then staring at him, finally kissing him. This was so wrong. Evidently Kasey thought so too. Sitting on her knees completely naked in front of Derek, and him in front of her, she stood up dramatically. "I can't." She whispered. It was so low that Derek didn't know what had happened until Kasey was no longer wrapped in his arms.

"Do you have any idea what we're doing here? This is a crime. We're _criminals..._" Kasey ranted, pacing back and forth while spewing out all of the moral implications of what they were doing. After a while, she realized that Derek was abnormally quiet. "Are you listening to me?"

"I'm too distracted by the view." Derek answered as Kasey finally realized that she was completely nude, in front of him. She grabbed up the clothing that she had folded and organized so neatly that some would call it anal or overly fastidious. Derek grew to love how she was such an orderly do-gooder. It was the opposite of his 'bad boy' image which included a slew of female conquests, at least that's what he allowed everyone else to believe. "You need to calm down."

"What do you see in me? Seriously." Kasey probed, sitting crossed-legged and across from her step-brother, this time both of them were fully clothed.

"Seriously?" Derek searched Kasey's face unable to find a starting point. The truth? He loved it all. Her sporadic outbursts, her belief that perfect was possible, her ambition, her love ... even the things he hated about her, he learned to love.

"Why can't you just find another girl, like you used to? You must've had at least 20 girls walk into your life since our parents got married." She offered, trying to pass Derek off to someone else.

"Now I'm someone else's problem?" Derek looked down and chuckled to himself. "That's cool..."

"What about that tattooed girl?"

"Which one?" He answered, just to get a reaction out of Kasey which he did. She glared. "I've already had her." He admitted, adding fuel to the flames.

"That's disgusting Derek. I don't want to hear about your sexcapes with the poor naive girls on campus." She pulled her knees up and rested her chin on them.

"Then let's not talk about them... I haven't been with any girl since we discovered this--"

"Don't humor this situation. This is wrong and we are capable of ending it. Now." She answered seriously.

"Answer me this Kasey, have you ever felt this way about anyone else? Max maybe? Scott? Alex--"

"No." She licked her lips unsurely. "But this is an abnormal thing we're doing."

"We're doing what normal college kids do. Our _parents _got married, not us." Derek argued back, making some weird sense to Kasey which just freaked her out.

"Maybe this works with all of the other girls, but how do I know that once you get me in bed that ... that that won't be it? Maybe you're just losing it Derek and you can't think straight. I'm the queen of correct thinking and I think that what we're feeling will only ruin our family."

"If you're worried about other girls, I'll stop partying. I won't go out and make-out with random strangers. It's all nothing compared to when I kiss you anyway." Derek promised, his lips meeting Kasey as a huge burst of energy or ... something jolted between them. "This is what I want." He kissed her forehead lovingly, stroking her hair back.

"How did this happen?" Kasey wondered, resting her head on Derek's shoulder. "How did I fall for my own _brother_?"

"I don't know, but I can't make it stop."

"Then what do we do?" She asked, for the first time in her _life _not having the answer to something and not knowing where to find it.

**TBC**


	2. Stretchy, Growing Agony

**Stretchy, Growing Agony in a Hopeless Dream**

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Maybe he didn't have anyone else, but she did. Kasey had started seeing a really nice guy to heal her of her Derek ailment. He was a foreign exchange student from Morocco. International Business and Finance major. Very smart. Successful and the epitome of a perfect match for Kasey.

And guilt was what she was feeling, moreso for the way she felt about Derek than kissing her. The thought of her sort of _cheating _on this guy really made her feel bad. Seriously bad and guilty. So, she thought of a way to ease her mind, alternate personalities.

"This won't work as Kasey and Derek."

"Then … we'll be someone else. You can be …" Derek gestured towards Kasey who was completely buying into this.

"Amalia. I've always wished that my name was Amalia."

"Okay. I'm Pierre and--" He stopped as Kasey started to laugh.

"Pierre … could you pick a _less _fitting name?"

"Are you finding a reason to get out of this because it won't work Kasey McDonald. I'm onto you." Derek looked at her intensely.

"You're right _Pierre_."

"Okay now promise me you won't fight it." He commanded softly in her ear as Kasey just nodded slowly. "Beautiful." Derek kissed the side of her ear as Kasey fought not to feel too much. If she could just get her emotions in check and detach herself …

"De-rek … I can't."

"Give me a chance. Tomorrow. All day. If I don't change your mind about us, then you can go off and be with whoever you want."

"Okay." Kasey swore, turning around to give one last kiss. "This is soooo bad."

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Derek did everything that he could to get Kasey on his side. They did everything that they could fit into a twenty-four hour time frame, including all the clichés like walks on the beach and jewelry gifts in small little boxes.

Kasey did everything she could to deny that she was having fun, to force herself to think about … what's his face, but most of all she practiced what she was going to say to Derek on Sunday. She was going to have to break it to him gently and make sure that he never tried anything so sweet, thoughtful, and fun for the two of them to do together again. At least not with romantic inclinations.

That night, Derek took her back to her dorm room, after the two of them decided that his was too junkie and just plain … gross. Her roommate was out, so Derek came in, holding her and just talking about things like what he wanted to see in his future, something that attenuated Kasey's contempt for the whole situation, but her opinion wouldn't be so easily swayed.

She was intransigent, fully convinced that Dasey was a ridiculous concept and that was something that no one could convince her of otherwise. Not the feel of his sweet breath on her neck, nor the way he held her so gently, or even the fact that he was deeper than he let on, and she was the only one that could see it, would change her mind. The answer was still no.

"Kasey … we don't have to do anything if you don't want to." Derek whispered into her ear as Kasey lay down beside him, slightly in front with her back to him. She planned to keep it that way. If he could see her face, he'd know exactly what she was thinking and Kasey didn't want him to think …. She didn't want him to think that he'd done anything wrong. He hadn't.

"This could be our last time together." She finally decided, thinking that this physical manifestation of their forbidden and sick, sad love, would give him some solace. At the very least, that would have this ephemeral memory of it all.

"Whoa Kasey … why are you crying? This doesn't have to end here." He suggested, not shying away from her tears like he used to. That was the old Derek. He used to mask his true feelings with selfish arrogance, schemes, manipulations, but now he was here, kissing away her tears, drying them with his mouth.

"I'm just going to cry more." Kasey answered. "I'm just so ashamed Derek. If you were any other guy, literally _anyone _else, I could be so happy. My mom would die if she ever knew. I was raised Catholic, did you know that? And this … I would receive this huge anathema from my church--"

"A what?"

"I'd be excommunicated you know … kicked out?"

"Then we'll be quiet about it." Derek suggested, calming Kasey down again. When she went back and forth like this, it only drove him crazy a little bit. He realized that he truly loved it because it just proved to him how much they complemented one another. She had this cold, unsteady air while Derek was just so calm about everything, warm, and open to anything and everything new and adventurous. "I'm proud of you." He stated as Kasey started grinning profusely.

"Proud. Really? For what?"

"I didn't think you were going to jump." He chuckled, referring to the tandem bungee jump that they had done together earlier.

"Oh _that_. Derek, that was crazy and wonderful and… kiss me." He acted obediently. "I couldn't have done it without you. You seriously kept me going the whole time." She kissed him back, paused and then kissed him again.

"Wow. I didn't know you…" Derek started, but was stopped by another brush of the lips.

"I want to … you know, again." She bit her lip for a moment before kissing Derek again. Consequences would be thought about later. Later.

"Do you have a…"

"No." Kasey muttered.

"Hold on. I'll go get one and be right ba--"

"No." Kasey pulled him back. "Forget about it. You said you haven't slept with anyone since us." Kasey sighed. "And I've never slept with anyone else so… let's just do this. For real." Kasey said without thinking. See? She could be just as extemporaneous and spontaneous as Derek.

"Are you on the pill?"

"Of course. Now hurry up." She tackled Derek playfully, letting her hair fall to the side as she looked down at him. This was happiness.

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Derek fiddled with his black leather jacket, trying to figure it all out. How was he going to make it through Thanksgiving, much less Christmas? A year ago, when he first started fooling around with Kasey, he never thought that anything would come of it.

It actually started off as an accident. A spur-of-the-moment kiss and Derek was hooked. They kept having these 'chance encounters' which were well-planned out by him. Imagine that. Mr. lying, scheming, live life by the seat of his pants planned something. And he got results, big time.

Kasey was actually the first to say it. To say she loved him, which threw him off guard, but his response was even more shocking. It was in that moment that he realized that he loved her too. Every mini panic attack, spastic moment, and soft touch of her skin drove him wild.

But apparently Kasey didn't feel the same way. The last two months had been hell. She had avoided him, no doubt and even with all his scheming, he couldn't seem to find her. It was like Kasey ran off and disappeared forever. The only time he heard her name mentioned was when _Kasey's _mom give him his weekly call. Derek sighed.

Maybe the day he planned with Kasey wasn't as outrageously fun as he thought. Maybe after all that was said and done Derek was no more than a phase for Kasey. Most girls went through a period where they found themselves a 'bad boy' and tried to save him. Kasey just finalized realized how much better than she was than Derek Venturi and she left him on the side. He would just hold her back anyway.

"Damn." He cursed to himself thinking about spending five days with Kasey and not being able to touch her. Life could be cruel. Instead of sulking like he wanted to do, Derek sucked it up. "I'm home!" He yelled confidently, strolling into his parent's house as his brother and sisters came to greet him. "Smarti!"

"Derek I'm twelve now. You don't need to call me that." Marty answered as Liz and Edwin greeted him afterwards.

"So … where's Kasey?" Liz wondered eagerly.

"Like I know. I haven't associated myself with her since leaving--"

"Hi family." Kasey McDonald showed up, looking very vibrant and happy. Derek had to stop himself from smiling as he gave her a once over. Her hair was about five inches shorter and twenty shades darker. It was striking.

"Kasey, your hair…" Marti noted with great inflection in her voice. "It's beautiful."

"Thanks." Kasey gave Derek a once over as he fought to disagree with his baby sister.

"Yeah, you remind me of a movie star … Angela Jolie."

"Really?" Kasey smiled harder.

"Yeah, back in the days when she thought she was a vampire and only came out at night." He joked, forcing himself to smile. See? Old Derek was back.

"De-rek! Not funny." Kasey rolled her eyes, pretending to be upset, but Derek could see a little a twinkle of humor in Kasey's eyes. What Derek saw next nearly made his heart stop. Kasey had brought a guest with her. A tall guy trailed behind her, holding her unexposed hand.

"Hey everyone! I'd like you to meet Tatum Ali, my new boyfriend."

Derek gave the guy a once over and knew what he had to do for damage control. He was going to nip this shit in the butt with the help of an accomplice or two.

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(A/N: I'm planning to finish this in one or two more chapters ... seriously and I'll backtrack and add the lyrics in. The story's based on a song by 'A Fine Frenzy' by the way. --NL)


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